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[Jun. 18th, 2008|12:09 pm] |
Dating
SL: Why did you break off your engagement? What happened?
ML: Oh, it's just that my feelings for him have changed.
SL: Are you returning the ring?
ML: Oh, no. My feelings for the ring haven't changed.
_____
My grandmother is ninety. She's dating a guy who's ninety-five.
They're very happy; they never argue. They can't hear each other.
_____
A father asked the young man who'd been dating his daughter about his financial strength.
"What is your yearly income?" the father asked.
"$40,000," the man said.
"It's not what i would have expected but still not too bad a figure if you add my daughter's $30,000."
"Oh, I've already included her share of $30,000!"
Romance
In a bar, a desperate single woman walked over to a handsome man at the bar couunter.
"you remind me of my first husband."
"Really? And did he pass away?"
"No."
"Then i assume you're divorced?"
"No. I've never been married."
_____
One man's dilemma: Is it better to have loved and lost than to have won and be bossed?
_____
Sam was dating Sandra. Sandra was very impressed by how Sam's father treated his wife.
"Oh, he's such a thoughtful and romantic guy," Sandra said. "I'm just so impressed that your dad even brings your mom a cup of hot coffee in bed in the morning."
The next day after their wedding, Sandra again reminded Sam about his father's loving ways and even bringing the coffee to his wife.
"Tell me," she asked, "does it run in the family?"
"It sure does," replied Sam, "and i take after my mom."
Wedding
The lousy thing about being the best man is that he doesn't get the bride even though he is the best.
_____
If there are so many beautiful brides, where do all the ugly wives come from?
_____
The woman cries before the wedding, the man afterward.
Honeymoon
Honeymoon is the period between...
"I do" and "you'd better."
"Im sorry" and "you deserve it."
"Let me help you" and "Do it yourself"
"I love you" and "I told you many times."
_____
Honeymoon is a vacation a man takes before beginning work under a new boss
_____
A bride-to-be insisted on making love to her future husband only after they are married. He agrees.
On their honeymoon night, the groom says, "I'm so glad you made me wait. If i'd found you easy and frivolous, I never would have married you."
The bride says, "I know. That's how the last five guys fooled me."
Marriage
A young lady placed an advertisement in the newspapers for a prospective husband.
The next day, she received 50 letters which said almost the same thing: "You can have mine."
_____
Some people say marriage is a relationship of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
_____
This is certainly not a man's world.
When a man is born, all that people care to ask is, "How is his mother doing?"
When he marries, all that people care to say is, "What a beautiful bride!"
And when he finally dies, all that people care to know is, "How much did he leave for the children?"
_____
Some people say that they don't believe in marriage because it's only a piece of paper. So is money, but we all believed in that.
_____
Seven stages of the common cold in the life of a young married couple:
1st year: Sugar, im worried about my little sweetie pie. You've got a bad sniffle and i wan you to go to the hospital for a complete checkup
2nd year: Listen, honey, i don't like the sound of that cough. I've called the doctor and he's going to rush over right now
3rd year: Maybe you'd better lie down, honey. Nothing like a little rest if you're feeling bad. I'll even bring you something to eat.
4th year: Look, dear, be sensible; after you've fed the kids and washed the dishes, you'd better hit the sack
5th year: Why don't you take a couple of aspirins?
6th year: If you'd just gargle or something instead of sitting around barking like a seal, it might help
7th year: For heaven's sake, stop sneezing! What are you trying to doo, give me pneumonia?
Kissing
Husband: If a man steals, no matter what, he will live to regret it
Wife: But dear, you used to steal kisses from me before we were married.
Husband: Well, you heard what i said
_____
Before marriage a girl has to kiss a man to hold him; after marriage she has to hold him to kiss him
_____
A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth - and endures all the rest
Sex
A sex education class was about to begin. A 10-year old boy stood up and said to the teacher, "Teacher, my mom says i can take the course as long as there's no homework."
_____
My wife is like a sex object. Everytime i ask for sex, she objects.
_____
At a sex counselling session, a married couple was asked to write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love', as past of the therapy.
The wife wrote: When a male and female are married and are romantically and deeply in love with one another, just like my husband and i, it will naturally lead to them to engage in the physical act of sex which is an expression of their love and bonding for one another.
The husband just wrote: I love sex
Cooking
Honey, what's this on my plate, just in case i have to describe it to the doctor?
Chin: Ohmygod, is it raining? Is it raining!
Me: Huh? Is it? No lah! I can't see!
Chin: OH MY GOD IT'S RAINING!
Me: Is it? *Walking near to the door glass pane* Oh ya ya ya! It's raining very heavily!
Chin: -.- HOW! And im wearing shoe!
Me: I got umbrella! You can wear my slippers.
Awhile later, while she's on her way back to her building.
She called.
Chin: AHHHHHHHHH! RINA! I AM SUPER SUPER SUPER WET! AHHHHH! *Hears the wind howling*
Me: HAHAHAHAH!
Chin: REALLY! AHHH ALL THE WAY UNTIL MY *****
Me: HUH!? So wet!?
Chin: YA!!! Got people looking!! AHHH NO NO NO I WON'T SEE THEM AGAIN, I WON'T SEE THEM AGAIN.
Another happy thing!
I just msned Sarah and i can get the Casio exilim camera at $140. :B :B
I AM A HAPPY HAPPY GIRL. :B
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